Sometimes people are just Arsehats.

For the longest time, I have tried so hard to think the best of people. I’m a nice person so why on earth would someone want to do something to me that would hurt me? I have always given people the benefit of the doubt, tried to see things from their point of view, and tried to fix issues if I see them come up by going straight to the source of what seems to be the problem.

I have a strong dislike of the victim mentality. The blame game. Blaming others for your problems. You know what I mean! You have seen people that blame everything on what is happening around them so that they can’t move forward because the entire world is against them. I have always held my head high no matter what life throws at me and like everyone, I have had my fair share of issues.

If I can’t solve the issue I use the “it’s not me, its them” thought. There is something that they need to deal with in their lives and they are taking their problems out on me. maybe they are jealous, or insecure, or don’t like my honest approach to life. But it is nothing that I can change so I need to let it go. I even feel compassion to others that have tried to harm me because surely there must be something going on in their lives that has made them the way that they are and from their perspective I am sure they are able to justify in their own minds why they do the things they do.

But lately I have been really hurt by what feels like sabotage to my reputation. At first, I thought I was being paranoid and tried to analyse what was going on with me. why I felt like this. Had I said or done something that could be misinterpreted? But the more I tried to use my go to strategies of analysing the situation, the more I felt the pain of being attacked by others. Until I got to the point where I just wanted to curl up in a ball and not interact with anyone in case the sabotage got worse. The fight and flight instinct went well and truly into flight mode. Run and hide and protect yourself was my defence mechanism. I had never had this flight mode kick in so hard. I became almost afraid of putting myself out there to be kicked in the guts again. But I knew that I did have friends that I could count on and that I did still have the respect and appreciation of many in my community.

Now I’m not going to go into details here about what and who and how all this came about because that is not what this blog post is all about. This is just a bit of back story to what happened today.

I believe that you wake up a different person than you were yesterday and last night I had a dream that made me jump out of bed and declare that my time of hiding was over.

I had a dream that I was walking along a street with my kids and one of them fell into a pool. The pool was filled with dolphins and the dolphins helped my child up to the side of the pool so that it could get out, basically saving him. The dolphins were very creative and smart and lots of fun to hang with. But all of a sudden, the water started to empty from the pool. There was a man standing there so I asked him for help and he said not to worry, this was just the way they kept the dolphins in line, how they were shown who was boss. At the very bottom of the pool were some almost baby dolphins that looked really sick. He flicked a switch and the water started to return to the pool and the dolphins looked like nothing had happened. I started saying to my kids that we need to get these dolphins out of this pool and into the big sea where they would not be controlled like this. We were talking about if they would survive in the wild and on their own without the control that they had been used to. I figured their instincts would kick in and they would be able to look after themselves once they got there. And then I woke up.

Now I often use what happens in my dreams to look at things from a different perspective. I love different perspectives, might be the photographer in me!! but I suddenly realised I had gotten myself into a community that was in fact run by some individuals that could “empty the pool to show you who was boss” anytime they liked. A community that has many hardworking honest and helpful individuals that worked together and want to help each other which is why I love that community so much. That value of community, working for the common good of all, is something that is so valuable. I suddenly realised that I am not looking at the big blue sea, and that I was in fact keeping myself in the little pool that could be drained anytime certain people decided.

So, I have woken up today with an entirely new feeling of excitement and wonder. I have let go of the pain that I was feeling and am ready to face the world with an entirely new outlook. Its not just about the “its them not me” thing, it’s about not being in a situation where “they” can empty the pool and keep me inline.

Have you ever had a dream that has affected you in a way that has changed your direction? I would love to hear about it if you have.

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