I had this issue with the kids. They would come home from school staving, eat everything in sight, then not want to eat their dinner. So I found a solution to this problem by having dinner early.
We eat when we are all home, and if they are hungry later they can snack then. I stopped throwing out uneaten food, I knew they were getting fed properly and everyone was happy.
Then I had this issue of one of them in particular constantly asking what was going to be for dinner. And I was sick of trying to decide every day what it was that we would have. So I created a schedule. One that needs updating as I write this, but it worked for at least 6 months until their favorite choices changed. It also made it easier to shop as I knew in advance what I needed and when.
We also have a schedule for who is responsible for what jobs on what days. This then means that if something needs to be done I know how to ask. They don’t always do it by themselves, but I know who to go to if the job is not done.
The schedule was designed with the input of the kids. We sat down and worked out what chores and food they all liked and disliked and came up with a good compromise. We also came up with the following family motto: “We should have respect for each other and look out for each other and try to do our best at all times.”
I strongly believe that talking to kids, looking at the world from there point of view, and being respectful of them as people goes a long way to making good humans. So I like to involve them in decisions and let them have some ownership over what we do in the house. So far it works pretty good and I have great teenagers. Then again I might have just got lucky!!